All close relationships go through their peaks and troughs. It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship otherwise.
Our relationship is constantly challenged as my husband and I have many a heated debate about little things to do with the children. This inevitably leads to contests over who has done more, whose work is more demanding, whose put more effort in or who is more tired.
When we have these disagreements consistently, it becomes a drain. It doesn’t matter what it’s about.
This raises an important question.
Are you setting up your relationship to withstand the storm of arguments and still flourish? Or are you setting it up for failure?
What’s surprising is there are some very basic steps you can take to make sure it flourishes no matter what.
Here’s a formula that’s worked for me, 13 years and two young children later. And the surprising thing is, this formula can be applied to any close relationship you want to ensure survives those stormy arguments, even the ones that feel like a hurricane.
Here’s the formula:
1. On a daily basis find something genuine for which you can thank your partner
You want to feel appreciated and so do they. It could be saying thanks for a cuppa, or saying thanks because they went out of their way to do something for you.
2. Celebrate your successes
When you or your partner have a rough day, celebrate that you’ve got through it. If your partner has been having a challenging time at work, remind them how great they’ve been in the past, to give them perspective on the situation. If you achieve something together, like moving house, celebrate.
3. Show forgiveness
We all know how to bear a grudge – don’t. It’s not helpful. Spend your time and energy focussing on the positives in your life. Your energy is better spent elsewhere. Forgive, learn from the mistakes, make sure they are not repeated and move on.
4. Remember you are equals
You bring as much value to the relationship as the other person. If you feel the balance is out, have a conversation about what you expect from them and then ask them what they expect from you.
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